Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Missed Signals
My wife took the three oldest kids to watch the school basketball team play in the semi-finals. Six year old Bobby insisted on sitting courtside with some of the other kids. As expected, Bobby was constantly inching closer and closer to the line. My wife Jain, sitting in the stands nearby, began signaling for him to move back. Time after time she waved him back from the line, only to get no response. Becoming frusterated, Jain began holding up one finger, then two fingers, then three, utilizing the '1-2-3-' system that we often use to give the kids a chance to correct their behavior. No combination of hand waving or finger holding seemed to make any difference to Bobby, and he continued to sit nearly on the court. Finally, Bobby got up and walked over to his mother. "Mom", he said, "what's with all the sign language?"
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Moving Up On The List
Yesterday Gabriella said to me, "Dad, I love you more than a horse." Nice! Any particular horse? No matter. Moving up on the list!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Twice!
As my wife was getting my three year old daughter, and 11 month son out of the tub, she heard a familiar noise emit from my daughter. Smiling, she said to her, "Gabriella, did you fart?!" Gabriella looked at her, with a towel draped over her head and a grin stretching from ear to ear, and proudly said, "I farted two times!"
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Pulling The Keeper
This past fall, Bobby and Billy played their second season of soccer. Their first season, in the previous town that we lived in, was basically just a herd of four and five year olds chasing a soccer ball. There were no actual goals, or sidelines (at least that the kids were aware of), or rules really. A good game for the boys was one where they didn't throw themselves down on the ground crying.
This season was a bit of a shock to them. There were actual goals, sidelines, and kids playing specific positions. There was even a referee calling actual penalties. In the first game of the season, the ref called an 'indirect kick'. I think I laughed out loud at how far the boys were from having any idea what that meant.
Anyway, toward the end of the season, the kids started to get the hang of things. One game Bobby was playing goalie. At one point, the opposing team had the ball and got several shots on goal. Bobby amazingly saved every single one. At the other end of the field the boys' grandparents and myself were cheeringly wildly. In his defense, its possible that he didn't hear us cheering him on, since we were pretty far away. To put things in perspective, if the field was 100 yards long, we were about 90 yards away from where Bobby was tending the net.
As our team gained possession of the ball and drove down the field, our attention turned to the goal that we were attacking. We were watching the action, with our backs toward Bobby at the other end of the field. All of a sudden I hear this voice saying, "Dad! Dad! Did you see the saves I made? Did you?" I turned around and there was Bobby. About 5 yards away from me, grinning from ear to ear. About 85 yards from the goal that he was supposed to be defending!
For a second, my brain couldn't decode what my eyes were seeing. I quickly looked at the goal Bobby should have been standing in front of, thinking that maybe the coach had put someone else in to play. Nope, it was empty. As a knee jerk reaction I yelled "Bobby! What are you doing, get back in goal!!!" He continued to smile and again asked "Did you see my saves?!"
I couldn't help but smile and told him that I did, adding 'You're doing a great job...but you have to get back there!!!!". Bobby quickly ran back into his position, and fortunately no harm was done.
(As a side note, that wasn't the first or last time that Bobby and/or Billy walked off the field in the middle of the game. But it was the only time one of them left the goal to do it. Other times the reasons for leaving the field ranged from being tired, to wanting to play with their baby brother, to simply having something to tell Grandma about (completely unrelated to the game). They don't seem to work on the 'not leaving the playing field in the middle of the game' skill at practice, so we'll have to work on it a bit before next season!)
This season was a bit of a shock to them. There were actual goals, sidelines, and kids playing specific positions. There was even a referee calling actual penalties. In the first game of the season, the ref called an 'indirect kick'. I think I laughed out loud at how far the boys were from having any idea what that meant.
Anyway, toward the end of the season, the kids started to get the hang of things. One game Bobby was playing goalie. At one point, the opposing team had the ball and got several shots on goal. Bobby amazingly saved every single one. At the other end of the field the boys' grandparents and myself were cheeringly wildly. In his defense, its possible that he didn't hear us cheering him on, since we were pretty far away. To put things in perspective, if the field was 100 yards long, we were about 90 yards away from where Bobby was tending the net.
As our team gained possession of the ball and drove down the field, our attention turned to the goal that we were attacking. We were watching the action, with our backs toward Bobby at the other end of the field. All of a sudden I hear this voice saying, "Dad! Dad! Did you see the saves I made? Did you?" I turned around and there was Bobby. About 5 yards away from me, grinning from ear to ear. About 85 yards from the goal that he was supposed to be defending!
For a second, my brain couldn't decode what my eyes were seeing. I quickly looked at the goal Bobby should have been standing in front of, thinking that maybe the coach had put someone else in to play. Nope, it was empty. As a knee jerk reaction I yelled "Bobby! What are you doing, get back in goal!!!" He continued to smile and again asked "Did you see my saves?!"
I couldn't help but smile and told him that I did, adding 'You're doing a great job...but you have to get back there!!!!". Bobby quickly ran back into his position, and fortunately no harm was done.
(As a side note, that wasn't the first or last time that Bobby and/or Billy walked off the field in the middle of the game. But it was the only time one of them left the goal to do it. Other times the reasons for leaving the field ranged from being tired, to wanting to play with their baby brother, to simply having something to tell Grandma about (completely unrelated to the game). They don't seem to work on the 'not leaving the playing field in the middle of the game' skill at practice, so we'll have to work on it a bit before next season!)
Monday, February 18, 2008
BOGO
""When you first told me about 'buy one get one', I didn't get what you meant. But now I get it, and I like it!" - Bobby, after encountering a buy one, get one free sale of Webkinz.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Chin Pain
One of my sons (I'll call him Bobby), is very much a creature of habit. Like his father, he requires ample notification if a change in his routine is needed. The other day Bobby came into school and was informed that his much beloved Kindergarten teacher was going to be absent, and instead the class would have a substitute. Bobby didn't care for that one bit.
Apparently Bobby got out his official copy of the `How to Be A Kid" handbook, referenced the section on getting out of uncomfortable situations, and came across the passage on `Inventing an Illness". Or possibly Bobby just instinctively knew what to do, based on some genetic code that traces its roots to the old `fight or flight' paradigm.
In any event, Bobby soon informed the substitute teacher that his chin was hurting him. He said he didn't know what had happened to it, he just woke up that morning and had some serious chin pain. I'm assuming he discarded the other 101 ailments that would have been the least bit believable, either because he had already used them, or they just weren't interesting enough for him.
The teacher listened to Bobby's problem and sent him to the nurse. As you might expect, the nurse checked him out and told Bobby that there was nothing wrong with his chin. That was the second problem of the morning for Bobby, being told he was wrong. He doesn't tend to believe that he's wrong. Ever.
So when the nurse refused to call Bobby's mom he trekked back to his classroom and sat down in his seat. The substitute teacher continued the lesson. However, Bobby had other ideas.
Unwilling to acknowledge the fact that he would have to be taught by a total stranger for the day, or that his chin ailment was anything other than real, blinding pain, Bobby got out a crayon and a piece of paper. Somehow he was able to retrieve that piece of information that, despite our constant reiteration, he only occasionally can remember. His home phone number.
In one last attempt to extricate himself from the substitute teacher predicament, Bobby wrote down the number on a scrap of paper, then got out of his seat and approached the teacher. He handed the teacher the phone and the piece of paper and said "Here's my phone number. Call my mother. I don't want to be here anymore." She never did call, but I'll give him a B for originality (subtracting points for using the "I'm sick" excuse, but adding points for the inflamed chin), and an A for persistence.
Michael Paul Miller is the author of the recently published children's book "Kid Tales". For more information on the author and "Kid Tales" visit http://www.kidtales.net/.
Apparently Bobby got out his official copy of the `How to Be A Kid" handbook, referenced the section on getting out of uncomfortable situations, and came across the passage on `Inventing an Illness". Or possibly Bobby just instinctively knew what to do, based on some genetic code that traces its roots to the old `fight or flight' paradigm.
In any event, Bobby soon informed the substitute teacher that his chin was hurting him. He said he didn't know what had happened to it, he just woke up that morning and had some serious chin pain. I'm assuming he discarded the other 101 ailments that would have been the least bit believable, either because he had already used them, or they just weren't interesting enough for him.
The teacher listened to Bobby's problem and sent him to the nurse. As you might expect, the nurse checked him out and told Bobby that there was nothing wrong with his chin. That was the second problem of the morning for Bobby, being told he was wrong. He doesn't tend to believe that he's wrong. Ever.
So when the nurse refused to call Bobby's mom he trekked back to his classroom and sat down in his seat. The substitute teacher continued the lesson. However, Bobby had other ideas.
Unwilling to acknowledge the fact that he would have to be taught by a total stranger for the day, or that his chin ailment was anything other than real, blinding pain, Bobby got out a crayon and a piece of paper. Somehow he was able to retrieve that piece of information that, despite our constant reiteration, he only occasionally can remember. His home phone number.
In one last attempt to extricate himself from the substitute teacher predicament, Bobby wrote down the number on a scrap of paper, then got out of his seat and approached the teacher. He handed the teacher the phone and the piece of paper and said "Here's my phone number. Call my mother. I don't want to be here anymore." She never did call, but I'll give him a B for originality (subtracting points for using the "I'm sick" excuse, but adding points for the inflamed chin), and an A for persistence.
Michael Paul Miller is the author of the recently published children's book "Kid Tales". For more information on the author and "Kid Tales" visit http://www.kidtales.net/.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Megan The Astronaut
“I don’t care what you say, I’m going to be an astronaut and fly to the moon!” Megan shouted at her two brothers. “And I’m not going to bring you with me. Ever!” She turned around, picked up her favorite doll, Miss Molly, and ran out of the room. As she passed through the doorway, she turned around and slammed the door behind her.
Megan was tired of her older brothers teasing her. They made fun of her for looking at the stars, and talking about the moon and the planets. When she brought a picture of her favorite planet into school for show and tell, her brother Larry told her that aliens were going to steal her lunch! Her brothers would tell her that astronauts were boys, and that girls weren’t allowed in space. “Besides,” Larry said, “You’re not allowed to bring dolls into space, and you would have to leave your pink bike at home too.”
Megan knew it wasn’t true, but it made her very angry when they made fun of her. Why couldn’t she go to space? She was as smart as any boy, and she could run faster than most of them too. And she didn’t see any reason why Miss Molly and her pink bike couldn’t come with her. Megan decided that she should talk to her mommy about it.
“Mommy, I want to go to the moon,” Megan said. Megan’s mother turned around and said, “Right now? But you haven’t even had lunch yet.” Megan thought for a second, and realized that her tummy was rumbling a bit. “Well, what are you making for lunch?” she asked. “Why, jelly sandwiches of course. And if you’re going to go to the moon before dinner, I’ll make an extra sandwich for you to bring with you. And a half a sandwich for Miss Molly, because I know she doesn’t ever eat her whole sandwich.”
Megan started to feel a little better. “So its okay if I go to the moon?” she asked. “I mean, girl’s can fly into space too, right? Not just boys?”
“Of course girls can go into space. A lot of girls have been to space,” Megan’s mom replied. “But you have to study very hard in school, and you have to pay close attention when your teacher is teaching math and science.” Megan wrinkled her tiny nose when she heard that. She liked reading and science, but math was always very difficult for her. “Are you sure you have to be good at math?” Megan asked, “Its sooooo boring!” Megan’s mom laughed and said, “Yes, I’m sure. Its very, very important.”
Megan finished her lunch, and then she and Miss Molly went up to her room. She could hear her brothers playing pirate in the next room, but she didn’t like playing pirate. Instead, she shut the blinds in her room, and turned on the special star machine that Santa had brought her for Christmas. When she turned on the star machine, it started to make a humming sound, and little tiny lights appeared all over the ceiling of her room.
“Don’t be afraid, Miss Molly,” Megan said to her doll, “We’re going to go on a little trip. Up to the moon and back again. But we have to be back before dinner time.” Megan thought Miss Molly still looked a little scared, so she gave her a big hug, and tucked her in with her favorite blue and yellow blanket. “It’s very cold in space, so you need to keep warm. That’s why I’m going to wear my favorite sweater.”
Megan finished preparing for her journey by pulling her winter hat down over her eyes. She had to be sure to block out the bright lights from the stars as she flew into outer space.
Megan started the countdown… “10, 9, 8, 7…”. She was very excited to visit the moon, but she knew Miss Molly was getting even more scared. She went on…“6, 5, 4…”, she could feel the booster rockets roaring to life. Megan hoped that the rockets wouldn’t be too loud. She didn’t want to get in trouble with her mom. “3, 2, 1…. We have lift off!” Megan could feel the space ship lift off of the launch pad, rushing faster and faster into the sky.
“Miss Molly! Can you feel it? We’re blasting off into outer space!” Megan was so excited that all she could do was giggle. She could see the blue sky in front of her getting darker and darker. She turned around to take a look behind her, and she could see the ground getting farther and farther away. Houses turned into little toy houses, then disappeared altogether. All of a sudden she could see the blue ocean, and she noticed that the ground was nothing but a big green blanket. She turned back around and the blue sky was gone. It was a little hard to see at first, but little tiny white lights started to appear in the deep black sky. But it wasn’t sky anymore… it was outer space! “Miss Molly! We did it! We’re in outer space!” Megan shouted.
The rocket ship roared on, and Megan could see the little white moon getting bigger by the minute. Miss Molly couldn’t believe her eyes. Neither could Megan! Within a few minutes, Megan could see the ground on the moon. It was rocky, and dry looking. She didn’t see trees or plants, or even grass…anywhere!
Soon the rocket ship started to land. Megan could feel the ship slowly lower itself onto the surface of the moon, until she felt a sudden jolt. She turned to look at Miss Molly, but Miss Molly was so scared that she had her eyes closed. “Open your eyes Miss Molly. We’re here!”
Miss Molly slowly opened her eyes and looked around. Instead of green grass and blue skies, she saw white dirt and rocks, and a big black sky. She wasn’t sure that she liked the moon very much.
“Let’s go out and look around!” Megan said. She grabbed Miss Molly by the hand, and opened the escape hatch. All of a sudden, Miss Molly started to float into the air! “That’s right Miss Molly, I forgot! You can float in outer space!” Megan felt as light as a feather, and every time she took a step she seemed to float along in the air. She tried to run, but she moved very slowly. It seemed very silly to Megan, and she couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Isn’t it fun Miss Molly?” she shouted. Even Miss Molly had to admit that running on the moon was a lot of fun.
After awhile, Megan and Miss Molly got tired of running about on the moon. And Megan was feeling a little hungry. “It must be dinner time Miss Molly, my tummy is rumbling again.” She was also missing her mommy a little bit. “I wish mommy was here. She would love to see the earth, so tiny and beautiful.” It was just like the pictures Megan had seen in her science book.
Megan and Miss Molly got back into the rocket ship, and Megan turned the key to start the engines. Once again, the engines roared to life, and the rocket ship lifted off of the moon, and sped back toward earth. As the earth got bigger and bigger, Miss Molly closed her eyes again. Megan held her tight, because she knew she was very scared. Within a few minutes though, the rocket ship landed back on Earth.
Megan puller her winter cap off of her head and looked around. She was back in her bedroom, safe and sound. “Megan! Time for dinner!” she heard her mom yell. Megan smiled, picked up Miss Molly and said to her, “Visiting the moon was a lot of fun Miss Molly, but I love being home too.”
Michael Paul Miller is the author of the recently published children's book "Kid Tales". For more information on the author and "Kid Tales" visit http://www.kidtales.net/.
Megan was tired of her older brothers teasing her. They made fun of her for looking at the stars, and talking about the moon and the planets. When she brought a picture of her favorite planet into school for show and tell, her brother Larry told her that aliens were going to steal her lunch! Her brothers would tell her that astronauts were boys, and that girls weren’t allowed in space. “Besides,” Larry said, “You’re not allowed to bring dolls into space, and you would have to leave your pink bike at home too.”
Megan knew it wasn’t true, but it made her very angry when they made fun of her. Why couldn’t she go to space? She was as smart as any boy, and she could run faster than most of them too. And she didn’t see any reason why Miss Molly and her pink bike couldn’t come with her. Megan decided that she should talk to her mommy about it.
“Mommy, I want to go to the moon,” Megan said. Megan’s mother turned around and said, “Right now? But you haven’t even had lunch yet.” Megan thought for a second, and realized that her tummy was rumbling a bit. “Well, what are you making for lunch?” she asked. “Why, jelly sandwiches of course. And if you’re going to go to the moon before dinner, I’ll make an extra sandwich for you to bring with you. And a half a sandwich for Miss Molly, because I know she doesn’t ever eat her whole sandwich.”
Megan started to feel a little better. “So its okay if I go to the moon?” she asked. “I mean, girl’s can fly into space too, right? Not just boys?”
“Of course girls can go into space. A lot of girls have been to space,” Megan’s mom replied. “But you have to study very hard in school, and you have to pay close attention when your teacher is teaching math and science.” Megan wrinkled her tiny nose when she heard that. She liked reading and science, but math was always very difficult for her. “Are you sure you have to be good at math?” Megan asked, “Its sooooo boring!” Megan’s mom laughed and said, “Yes, I’m sure. Its very, very important.”
Megan finished her lunch, and then she and Miss Molly went up to her room. She could hear her brothers playing pirate in the next room, but she didn’t like playing pirate. Instead, she shut the blinds in her room, and turned on the special star machine that Santa had brought her for Christmas. When she turned on the star machine, it started to make a humming sound, and little tiny lights appeared all over the ceiling of her room.
“Don’t be afraid, Miss Molly,” Megan said to her doll, “We’re going to go on a little trip. Up to the moon and back again. But we have to be back before dinner time.” Megan thought Miss Molly still looked a little scared, so she gave her a big hug, and tucked her in with her favorite blue and yellow blanket. “It’s very cold in space, so you need to keep warm. That’s why I’m going to wear my favorite sweater.”
Megan finished preparing for her journey by pulling her winter hat down over her eyes. She had to be sure to block out the bright lights from the stars as she flew into outer space.
Megan started the countdown… “10, 9, 8, 7…”. She was very excited to visit the moon, but she knew Miss Molly was getting even more scared. She went on…“6, 5, 4…”, she could feel the booster rockets roaring to life. Megan hoped that the rockets wouldn’t be too loud. She didn’t want to get in trouble with her mom. “3, 2, 1…. We have lift off!” Megan could feel the space ship lift off of the launch pad, rushing faster and faster into the sky.
“Miss Molly! Can you feel it? We’re blasting off into outer space!” Megan was so excited that all she could do was giggle. She could see the blue sky in front of her getting darker and darker. She turned around to take a look behind her, and she could see the ground getting farther and farther away. Houses turned into little toy houses, then disappeared altogether. All of a sudden she could see the blue ocean, and she noticed that the ground was nothing but a big green blanket. She turned back around and the blue sky was gone. It was a little hard to see at first, but little tiny white lights started to appear in the deep black sky. But it wasn’t sky anymore… it was outer space! “Miss Molly! We did it! We’re in outer space!” Megan shouted.
The rocket ship roared on, and Megan could see the little white moon getting bigger by the minute. Miss Molly couldn’t believe her eyes. Neither could Megan! Within a few minutes, Megan could see the ground on the moon. It was rocky, and dry looking. She didn’t see trees or plants, or even grass…anywhere!
Soon the rocket ship started to land. Megan could feel the ship slowly lower itself onto the surface of the moon, until she felt a sudden jolt. She turned to look at Miss Molly, but Miss Molly was so scared that she had her eyes closed. “Open your eyes Miss Molly. We’re here!”
Miss Molly slowly opened her eyes and looked around. Instead of green grass and blue skies, she saw white dirt and rocks, and a big black sky. She wasn’t sure that she liked the moon very much.
“Let’s go out and look around!” Megan said. She grabbed Miss Molly by the hand, and opened the escape hatch. All of a sudden, Miss Molly started to float into the air! “That’s right Miss Molly, I forgot! You can float in outer space!” Megan felt as light as a feather, and every time she took a step she seemed to float along in the air. She tried to run, but she moved very slowly. It seemed very silly to Megan, and she couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Isn’t it fun Miss Molly?” she shouted. Even Miss Molly had to admit that running on the moon was a lot of fun.
After awhile, Megan and Miss Molly got tired of running about on the moon. And Megan was feeling a little hungry. “It must be dinner time Miss Molly, my tummy is rumbling again.” She was also missing her mommy a little bit. “I wish mommy was here. She would love to see the earth, so tiny and beautiful.” It was just like the pictures Megan had seen in her science book.
Megan and Miss Molly got back into the rocket ship, and Megan turned the key to start the engines. Once again, the engines roared to life, and the rocket ship lifted off of the moon, and sped back toward earth. As the earth got bigger and bigger, Miss Molly closed her eyes again. Megan held her tight, because she knew she was very scared. Within a few minutes though, the rocket ship landed back on Earth.
Megan puller her winter cap off of her head and looked around. She was back in her bedroom, safe and sound. “Megan! Time for dinner!” she heard her mom yell. Megan smiled, picked up Miss Molly and said to her, “Visiting the moon was a lot of fun Miss Molly, but I love being home too.”
Michael Paul Miller is the author of the recently published children's book "Kid Tales". For more information on the author and "Kid Tales" visit http://www.kidtales.net/.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
